Beyond "Do unto Others": Navigating the Unique Worldviews of Your Team

Many of us were brought up to believe or at least have heard the old Elizabethan saying, ‘do unto others as you would have them do unto you.’ In plain English it means ‘treat people they way you would like to be treated.’

Following this noble value is probably not a bad way to live your life….or is it?

Think about it carefully.

Many people take this ideal too far with staff, partners, children and friends. - urging others to do what we decide will be good for them! It’s a very common attitude.

If I like eating lightly cooked eggs, baked beans and mushrooms I may assume everyone else does too. I had a personal experience recently when I invited my best friends over for dinner and served one of my favourite meals only to find that they had recently stopped eating dairy products. Imagine my annoyance that my friends didn’t want this great meal I had cooked, as I put half a lasagne in the bin!

This same attitude prevails in the business world today.

When a colleague or staff member comes to us for guidance on how to complete a task we may respond with ‘how we think it should be done.’ Perhaps we should change the Elizabethan saying to ‘impose unto others as you would do unto yourself.’

Unique Maps of the World

Each of us has different tastes. Different views. Different needs. Different ways of thinking. Each of us experiences the world differently.

Imagine drawing a map of the route you take to get from home to work regularly. That map would be your unique representation of your journey to work.

Now imagine I looked at your map and said “actually that isn’t the best route, you should go this way. Use my map instead of yours.” How would you react?

You might think to yourself, “What makes your map better than mine? Isn’t there almost always more than one route? And isn’t the best route in the eye of the beholder?”

I think this is a good metaphor for how many leaders try to exert influence. They often impose their map of the world (on how things should be done) on employees and with the same act invalidate any other views. Should they be surprised when they face resistance or discomfort from their team members?

“But I meant well…!”

It’s all done with the best of intentions, of course. Other people’s views are ignored because we assume that everyone is like us and that our approach is best. There is no need to ask what the other person would like or how they would like to be treated, because we have good intentions.

“You should be grateful…!”

With this common way of thinking you may not check whether the other person is happy with our ‘generous advice’ because we are acting with good intentions. As long as we mean well, they should be grateful for what we do for them – whether they want it or not. Whether or not it is appropriate. Whether or not they like it.

Action Points

Any leader who wants to be more effective at influencing needs to understand the other person’s map of the world and start adding to the map rather than trying to impose their own map on to the other person. At Neural Networks Concepts (NNC) we put this philosophy at the heart of all our leadership development.

Actions you can take include:

• Aim to walk in their shoes. Take a real interest in what is important to each of your staff. In what they like and dislike. In what they fear, enjoy, believe and value.
• Spend the next two weeks understanding their ‘map of the world.’ Ask a lot more questions and make a lot less statements. Turn your ‘Transmit’ button off – and turn your ‘Receive’ button on.
• Use more Open rather than Closed questions.
• Listen to the answers you get and utilise the information from these answers in the conversation.

Want to become a leader who can effectively navigate the "maps" of others? Learn more about our leadership training programs at Neural Networks Concepts.