How Emotionally Self-Aware are you?

A powerful question for us to face: how emotionally self-aware are you? Some of us might think very, others possibly will pause and ponder, and then some might not even know how to explore the question to figure out just “how emotionally self-aware am I?” According to organisational psychologist, Dr Tasha Eurich “Although 95% of people think they’re self-aware, only 10 to 15% actually are”.

To create awareness about ourselves is to explore who we are and what makes us tick. Our emotions are one of the most significant factors that make us tick and act, and emotional self-awareness is the cornerstone of emotional intelligence because it is critical in developing and applying all other emotional and social competencies.

To understand how you tick and create meaningful change in your experiences and successes, developing emotional self-awareness can become a life hack.

What is Emotional Self-Awareness?

Emotional Self-Awareness includes recognising and understanding one’s own emotions. That is, being able to identify what you are feeling, the potential cause, and how it impacts on your actions.

Do you find your emotions are motivators for action, or are they information?

Do you know what might be your ‘hot buttons’ that cause a reaction?

It is also the extent to which you are aware of how you come across to others. This means paying attention to other people’s reactions and responses and using this information to gauge how you are ‘showing up’ and whether this serves you.

Why is emotional self-awareness the cornerstone of Emotional Intelligence testing?

Emotional Intelligence (EI) testing is a snapshot of your current ability to perceive, understand and effectively manage your own emotions and the emotions of others. EI involves being aware of emotions, recognising their impact and then using that awareness to guide thought and action.

Emotional Self-Awareness is a significant component of mastering mind and behaviour because it not only contributes to a keen sense of one’s own emotions but to cultivating personal well-being and one’s ability to engage others and navigate the world.

Emotional self-awareness supports several key components of emotional intelligence:

• Self-regard: Understanding one’s emotions is crucial for developing a positive self-worth and confidence. Without being aware of one’s emotional state, it would be difficult to assert oneself or to project assurance. If you lack self-regard, you might devalue your emotional state and how your emotions impact your confidence and ability to be persuasive.
• Self-Actualisation: Being aware of your feelings allows you to pursue appropriate goals and engage in activities that align with your values and interests. This pursuit often leads to a sense of fulfilment and self-actualisation.
• Interpersonal Relationships: Emotional self-awareness informs your interactions with others by helping you understand how your emotions affect the people around you. This awareness is critical for developing and maintaining healthy interpersonal relationships.
• Stress Tolerance: Awareness of one's emotional triggers and states is essential for managing stress effectively. Understanding the emotional aspect of stress allows for more effective coping strategies.

Emotional Self-Awareness and Impulse Control

Emotional self-awareness and impulse control are two critical subscales within the EQ-i 2.0 model that are pivotal in our professional conduct, especially during high-stress situations such as meetings or negotiations.

I will give a scenario involving a guy we will call Sam to understand better how emotional self-awareness can impact impulsive tendencies.

Sam is a sharp analyst known for his critical thinking skills. However, he used to grapple with his knee-jerk reactions during team discussions. His Impulse Control was a skill in its infancy, and his Emotional Self-Awareness, while not absent, often took a backseat in the heat of the moment.

In one notable project debrief, a client bluntly critiqued Sam’s analysis. Sam impulsively interjected with a defensive quip and a dismissive gesture. However, after a discussion with him, it was made known that he was sensitive about his work and would take project critiques personally at times, thinking people implied he wasn’t doing a “good job”.  He was advised to take a pause and, when the emotion arose during criticism of his analysis, to reframe that response with a less personal perspective to keep his mind focused on the project's needs, not reacting to the emotion.

With more self-awareness around his emotional reactions, Sam approached feedback situations differently. He began to give himself a reminder not to take the criticism personally and to keep focused on the best possible outcome for the project. By regulating emotional responses through the act of not taking comments personally, Sam was able to control his knee-jerk reactions when emotions arose.  Rather than letting disappointment or frustration dictate his next move, he engaged his ear to fully listen before crafting a response. This new practice helped him deliver a better solution and outcome for the client and project.

Sam's growth in these emotional intelligence competencies turned confrontations into conversations and impulsivity into strategic responses. However, the benefits of emotional self-awareness and impulse control extend beyond crisis management. In day-to-day interactions, these skills can profoundly influence workplace dynamics. For example, during brainstorming sessions, Sam's impulse might drive him to voice scepticism about new ideas immediately. Now, he exercises emotional self-awareness to recognise his initial resistance and impulse control to give space for ideas to breathe before evaluating them. This shift not only enhances collaboration but also promotes a more innovative and inclusive team culture.

Through consistent practice, Sam discovered that by managing his internal responses, he could maintain a clear-headed perspective, even when project tensions ran high. This doesn't mean he became less passionate or acquiescent; instead, he became adept at choosing the right moment and manner to express his viewpoints.

The transformation in Sam's approach had a clear takeaway: cultivating emotional self-awareness and impulse control is not about suppressing emotions or reactions. Instead, it's about becoming aware of them and using that awareness to act thoughtfully. By doing so, we can become not just better colleagues or leaders but also more resilient and effective individuals in the face of professional challenges.

Increasing Resilience and Improving Outlook with Emotional Self-Awareness

Emotional Self-Awareness is a critical component in shaping our perspective towards the potential in our lives and enhancing our ability to adapt to challenges. This heightened awareness acts as an internal beacon, guiding us through the fog of immediate emotional responses and illuminating a clearer path forward.

When we possess Emotional Self-Awareness, our outlook on situations transforms. We begin to assess experiences not just through our instinctual feelings but with a deeper understanding of those emotions. This comprehensive insight allows us to see beyond the knee-jerk reactions that might typically narrow our view. By recognising and analysing our emotions, we open ourselves to the possibilities each situation presents. Opportunities for personal and professional growth become more apparent when not clouded by unconscious emotional states.

Emotional Self-Awareness also aids us with a toolkit for adaptive problem-solving. Awareness of our emotional triggers and responses doesn’t just help manage our feelings and impulses; it also primes us for resilience. With this knowledge, we can strategically navigate challenges, maintaining our mental and emotional balance during chaotic changes. Rather than being overwhelmed by setbacks, we can approach them with a balanced mindset, seeking lessons and alternate routes to our goals.

This skill minimises the negative impact of challenges and actively enables us to extract wisdom from our adversities. We become equipped to not only ride out emotional storms but also use them to our advantage. By understanding our emotional landscape, we can question, "What can this teach me?" and "How can this contribute to my growth?".

Ultimately, Emotional Self-Awareness is the cornerstone of a growth-oriented outlook. It's the ability to dissect and harness our emotions that equips us for the unpredictable nature of life. It means we're not merely reacting to the world around us but actively engaging with it, transforming potential challenges into steppingstones for success.

Five key signs to cultivate more emotional self-awareness

If these signs resonate with you, it may be time to focus on developing your emotional self-awareness.

Overwhelming Stress Levels

If you are consistently overwhelmed by stress without understanding why or without the ability to pinpoint the source, it could suggest a disconnect between your experiences and your emotional comprehension. Emotional self-awareness allows you to identify what specifically is causing stress and address it directly.

Inconsistent Performance

If your performance at work or in personal tasks fluctuates widely without apparent reason, it may be due to unacknowledged emotional currents driving your concentration and motivation. Recognising and regulating these emotional influences can lead to more consistent and stable performance.

Reliance on External Validation

If you constantly seek approval from others and your mood swings with their praise or criticism, it indicates a need for greater self-awareness. By understanding your emotions, you can develop internal validation and become less dependent on external sources for self-esteem

Feeling Misunderstood

If you regularly feel that others don’t 'get you,' it may be because your expressed emotions do not align with your feelings. This misalignment can lead to confusion among those around you and is often a sign that you need to understand and communicate your emotions more clearly.

Persistent Negative Emotions

A constant state of unhappiness, anxiety, or feeling emotionally drained might suggest that you’re not tuned into your emotional state. Without awareness, it’s challenging to address the underlying issues causing these negative emotions.

Developing Your Emotional Self-Awareness

Improving emotional self-awareness is a journey that can profoundly impact your personal and professional life. It is important to remember that emotions are information, not action. And that it is through review of our emotions, that we empower ourselves to take better actions to create more meaningful outcomes. Here are five steps that can help you embark on this journey:

1. Practice Active Listening: Focus on listening to others without planning your response while they're talking. Active listening can improve your ability to perceive and reflect not only on what is being said but also on the emotions behind the words, both in others and in yourself
2. Identify Physical Cues: Become attuned to the physical sensations accompanying your emotions. For instance, if your palms sweat or your heart races, what emotion are you experiencing now? Recognising these cues can act as early indicators of emotional responses.
3. Seek Feedback: Sometimes, it's hard to see ourselves as we truly are. Ask for feedback from friends, family, or colleagues about how you come across in different situations. They might notice things about your emotional reactions that you're unaware of.
4. Implement the 'Pause and Ask' Technique: Whenever you experience a strong emotion, pause and ask yourself what you are feeling and why. This pause can give you time to process your emotions more deeply to elicit an adaptive response.
5. Develop Emotional Vocabulary: Often, we're limited by our language in describing how we feel. Expanding your emotional vocabulary can allow for more precise identification of your feelings. This precision not only enhances self-awareness but also improves communication with others about your emotional state.

Remember, increasing emotional self-awareness isn't an overnight process. It requires consistent effort and curiosity about one’s own emotional landscape. So, don’t hesitate to ask yourself, how emotionally self-aware am I now? Engaging in such practices can offer a clearer view of not only your emotional life but also the potential paths ahead, transforming the way you meet challenges and seize opportunities.

So, the next time you are in high-pressure negotiations, being given confronting critiques on your work, or even navigating family challenges, remember emotional self-awareness and give yourself a moment to check in and see how you are feeling to balance the emotion and the thought before initiating the response.

When you take on such practices, you will notice a significant improvement in not just your professional outcomes but your outlook, well-being and relationships.   

About Neural Networks

Since 2000, Neural Networks has been helping individuals and organisations build their emotional intelligence skills. As one of Australia’s leading professional development providers, we deliver innovative learning development programs in emotional intelligence,  leadership, sales, customer service and culture change.