Impulse Control and Emotional Intelligence

Emotional intelligence (EI) is a powerful set of skills that influence how we navigate life's complexities. It's about how we perceive and express ourselves, build relationships with others, make decisions, our level of resilience and how we use emotional information in a meaningful way.

But what about those times when emotions run high and threaten to take the wheel? That's where Impulse Control comes in.

Emotions and Impulses

Emotions and impulses are intricately linked. Emotions trigger impulses, and impulses can be fuelled by or a reaction to emotions.

Our emotions act as signals, alerting us to something important in our environment or internal state, for example, feeling fear might signal danger, while excitement might signal an opportunity. The intensity of the emotion can also influence the strength of the impulse; feeling furious might trigger the urge to lash out verbally, while intense joy might lead to an impulse purchase.

Impulses are urges to act or react in a specific way.  They are often automatic and not carefully considered. The link between emotions and impulses is so strong that sometimes we act impulsively without even fully registering the emotion behind it.  For example, you might slam a door shut without realising you're feeling frustrated.

The typical cycle between emotions and impulses can be broken down as follows:

• Event: An event occurs that triggers an emotional response.
• Emotional Response: You experience an emotion, such as anger, fear, or excitement.
• Impulse to Act: The emotion triggers an urge to act in a certain way.
• Action (or Lack Thereof): You either act on the impulse or resist it.

Emotional intelligence and, more specifically, Impulse Control, plays a crucial role in managing this cycle effectively.

What is Impulse Control?

In our daily lives, we're constantly bombarded with urges and emotions. Impulse control acts as a mental pause button, allowing us to step back and consider the bigger picture before reacting. This space fosters thoughtful decision-making. By taking a moment to assess the situation, we can weigh potential consequences and choose actions that align with our long-term goals, not just our fleeting desires.

When we manage our urges, we're less likely to blurt out hurtful words or take actions that damage trust. On a more moderate level, it means we have time to think about the way we say things rather than what immediately comes to mind. At work, it can be important to be more strategic in how you position ideas and impulse control provides the time to think it through. This fosters stronger connections and allows us to build positive interactions with others.

Impulse Control is a cornerstone of self-control. By managing our impulses, we become more effective in all areas of life. We can achieve our goals with greater focus, navigate stressful situations with calm, and build stronger relationships through thoughtful communication.

What Impulse Control looks like

People with high Impulse Control often exhibit these behaviours:

• Thinking before acting: They take a moment to assess the situation and potential outcomes before reacting.
• Delaying gratification: They can resist the urge for instant satisfaction and choose actions that benefit them in the long run.
• Managing emotions effectively: They can regulate their emotions and avoid letting anger, frustration, or excitement cloud their judgment.
• Considering consequences: They anticipate the potential repercussions of their actions and choose the path with the most positive outcome.
• Positioning positive outcomes: able to position ideas, influence or gain buy-in as they think through the best way to say what they think.

On the flip side, here are some examples of behaviours that may indicate low Impulse Control:

• Saying the first thing that comes to mind, without thinking it through.
• Sending angry or frustrated emails in the heat of the moment, without considering the tone or potential consequences.
• Frequently interrupting others during meetings or conversations.
• Making quick decisions without proper analysis.
• Sharing information impulsively without verifying its accuracy.
• Giving in to distractions and putting off critical tasks until the last minute.
• Making risky business decisions without considering the potential downsides.

It’s important to remember that Impulse Control exists on a continuum and sometimes low Impulse Control is not as obvious as in the examples given above. For example, someone may view themselves as a passionate person rather than impulsive and if they have never experienced any pushback, they may not have needed to modify their behaviour. However, as they move into more senior positions, they may find that Impulse Control becomes more important. What was previously interpreted as passion may now be viewed as anger, excitement as insensitivity, enthusiasm as overbearing.

Balancing Impulse Control

Our ability to manage impulses plays a critical role in navigating complexities -both at work and in life more generally. In this section, we'll explore how Impulse Control interacts with other key emotional intelligence skills and how these combinations can empower us or create challenges, ultimately providing insights into how to cultivate a well-rounded approach for success.

Flexibility

High flexibility paired with high Impulse Control creates a powerful combination. Individuals with this combination can shift gears quickly, readily adapt to new situations, or unexpected challenges. For example a manager who can quickly adapt to a new project timeline while still delivering high-quality work on time. They are also open to exploring new ideas and approaches but do so thoughtfully, analysing risks before making decisions, therefore avoiding impulsive ventures.

On the other hand, high Flexibility with low Impulse Control can be a double-edged sword. While it offers adaptability and a willingness to explore new ideas, the lack of Impulse Control can lead to challenges, such as struggling to maintain focus on long-term goals, disorganised work styles, missed deadlines, and rushing into decisions without thorough consideration, potentially leading to mistakes or missed opportunities. It can also lead to inconsistency and a tendency to underdeliver on their potential, for example, a CEO who constantly pivots the company's direction based on the latest trends, neglecting core business strengths, or the leader who excitedly launches new projects but fails to provide clear direction and resources, leaving their team overwhelmed and confused.

Stress Tolerance

Impulse control and Stress Tolerance have a strong and reciprocal relationship. When stressed, the body releases hormones like cortisol, which can impair cognitive function and judgment. This can lead to difficulty resisting impulsive urges and making rash decisions. Stress can also intensify emotions, making it harder to manage anger, frustration, or anxiety in a controlled manner, potentially leading to impulsive outbursts or actions you later regret. Stress can also narrow your focus, making it difficult to consider all options or potential consequences before acting.

In other words, stress can worsen Impulse Control AND high Impulse Control can help you manage stress better. By developing strategies to increase Impulse Control and Stress Tolerance, you can create a positive feedback loop. Improving your Stress Tolerance can help you make better decisions and reduce impulsive behaviour, while strong Impulse Control can help you respond to stress in a more controlled and healthy way.

Assertiveness

When Impulse Control and Assertiveness are balanced it results in communication that is both forthright and respectful. There are two main ways an imbalance between Impulse Control and Assertiveness can manifest:

• Low Impulse Control with higher Assertiveness - Someone with this combination may express their needs or opinions in a forceful way, without due consideration to those around them or the circumstances, which can alienate others or create conflict.
• High Impulse Control with lower Assertiveness - Someone with this combination may find it difficult to assert their needs clearly and confidently. Fear of speaking up or the potential for conflict might lead to someone passively accepting situations they're uncomfortable with.

True assertiveness involves expressing your needs and opinions directly and confidently, while still respecting the rights and feelings of others. Both overly aggressive and passively accepting behaviours can strain relationships and lead to communication breakdowns, where someone struggles to express themselves effectively or control their emotions.

Emotional Expression

Emotional Expression enables us to convey feelings, thoughts, and reactions through various means, such as facial expressions, body language, tone of voice, and verbal communication. When a leader has both low Impulse Control and low Emotional Expression, they may not give team members sufficient information. Although low emotional expression doesn't always directly equate to a lack of emotions, this leader might experience strong emotions internally but struggle to express them outwardly. Their communication may come across as harsh, direct, or lacking empathy, and they may struggle to build authentic relationships and honest connections.

High Emotional Expression without a good level of Impulse Control can also prove challenging for both the leader and their team. Whilst their high Emotional Expression might be a sign of genuine passion and enthusiasm, their moods can dictate their leadership style, creating an environment of uncertainty and anxiety for their team. Emotions also heavily influence their choices, which can lead to reactive decisions based on anger, excitement, or fear instead of thoughtful consideration. They might share their personal feelings and opinions a little too readily, potentially creating a sense of emotional burden on colleagues and blurring professional boundaries. Over time, these behaviours can create an unpredictable and emotionally charged environment, which can lead to high employee stress levels and burnout.

The key takeaway is that Impulse Control is most effective when working in concert with other aspects of emotional intelligence. By understanding how these skills work together, you can develop a well-rounded approach to navigating life's complexities, fostering stronger relationships, and achieving greater success.

Impulse Control Self-Assessment

To assess your impulse control, you can ask yourself the following questions:

1. Do I take the time to gather all relevant information before making important decisions, or do I rush into choices when faced with tight deadlines or stressful situations?
2. Do I delegate tasks effectively, or do I micromanage and feel the need to control everything myself?
3. How often do I find myself regretting things I've said or done in the heat of the moment?
4. Do I find myself getting easily frustrated or impatient during meetings, potentially shutting down discussions before all perspectives are heard?
5. When faced with a disagreement, do I take a moment to calm down before responding, or do I react impulsively?
6. Do I take a moment to consider the potential impact of my words before communicating with key stakeholders, or do I speak impulsively and risk sending the wrong message?
7. Am I aware of the physical sensations in my body when I'm feeling strong emotions like anger or excitement?
8. Can I identify my emotional triggers? What situations or people tend to make me feel particularly impulsive?
9. Do I take responsibility for my actions, or do I tend to blame others for the consequences of my impulsive behaviour?
10. Am I mindful of my online and public persona, or do I sometimes react impulsively on social media or in public settings that could damage the company's reputation?

By reflecting on these questions, you can gain valuable insights into your Impulse Control strengths and weaknesses. Remember, honest self-assessment is the first step towards improvement.

Developing Impulse Control

In everyday life, we’re constantly bombarded with opportunities for immediate rewards – social media likes, instant purchases, quick entertainment. This constant influx of instant gratification reduces our tolerance for waiting. We get used to having things "now" and struggle with delayed gratification, a key component of Impulse Control.

In the face of a society wired for instant gratification, here are steps you can take to cultivate Impulse Control:

• Identify your triggers: What situations, emotions, or cues tempt you towards impulsive behaviour? Think of the last couple of weeks at work – what reactions did you have that you wish you could take back? Write a list of what triggered these moments. Recognising your triggers prepares you to manage them effectively. If you find this difficult, consider coaching to identify triggers and cultivate a more mindful approach.
• Manage your emotional responses: Self-regulation is not about suppressing emotions, but about choosing how to express them constructively. Develop tactics to create space between your urge (emotion) and your action. Take a deep breath, count to ten, or step away from the situation before making a decision. This allows your emotions to cool down and fosters a more rational response – use emotions as information not action.
• Set Clear Goals: Having clear long-term goals provides a compelling reason to delay gratification. Remind yourself of the future benefits when faced with the urge for instant satisfaction.
• Implement a structured decision-making process: Encourage data-driven analysis and input from diverse perspectives before making significant choices. Create a decision matrix for key strategic decisions, outlining key criteria and weighting each factor to promote a more objective approach.

By honing your Impulse Control, you become the conductor of your emotional orchestra, leading your emotions towards thoughtful actions and a more fulfilling life. Remember, developing emotional intelligence is a journey, and mastering Impulse Control is a key milestone on that path.

How Neural Networks Can Help You Develop Your Impulse Control…

Since 2000, Neural Networks has been helping individuals and organisations build their emotional intelligence skills. As one of Australia’s leading professional development providers, we deliver innovative learning development programs in emotional intelligence,  leadership, sales, customer service and culture change.